10/5/12

Sister Friends

You have been friends since High School and she has been your girl no matter what!  No matter your weight gain, your new boyfriend, her new husband, her children, your boss at work, her inability to manage her money, etc..etc.  But, there comes a time when you have to think carefully if this relationship is Expensive to You.  Is it costing you time for yourself? Is it costing you extra money when you have to pay for her 'cause she left her purse? Is it costing you the Best Dress from your closet?  Is it costing you time with your Man?  Is it costing you an Emotional drain?  Many a sisterships have been broken due to your girl being too emotionally needy.  Like - She is outraged, she caught her Man cheating and she comes to you to rant. What role do you play in this scenario? First of all this involves sex and she is going to tell you the details, do you really want to hear it all? Or will you ask her to refrain? You know as well as I do that you are going to hear it no matter what and the best you can do is Not take sides. Infidelity is such a shocking betrayal and it makes a person feel small & worthless. You have to constantly tell her she is strong, smart and handling it well even if she is not. Usually she wants you to put yourself in her shoes and may ask "What would you do?" Be very careful . . . if you want to end your relationship with her, this is your opportunity.  If not, do not put yourself there!  Infidelity is not the only way your girl can get on your last nerve. If you have to constantly bail her out of financial situations it drains you and your pocketbook and will ultimately end in a fight. I remember a friend who helped me get a job and I found myself constantly buying her lunch & lending her my clothes before I put on the brakes and ended it. Quickly, so-called friends like these find your vulnerablity and they prey on you.  So, how do you spot them?  You don't. These relationships are months in the making and sometimes it takes years before your eyes are opened.  If you have a TRUE friend that shares your Joy and Sorrows and is there for you through thick & thin, and you are a TRUE friend to Her. You are very, very Lucky.

18 comments:

  1. Unfortunately, my eyes are open and the friends I thought were friends are not. I learned that some people want you to do good but not better than them.

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  2. It's hard when a so called friend sucks the life out of you. I like the idea of asking yourself if a person is costing you too much. Luckily I don't have too many people in my life that are like this.

    Happy SITS Day!

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  3. Thank you for writing this! I've found over time that we sometimes keep old friends around, simply because we’ve been friends for so long. You HAVE to put that time investment aside and really evaluate why you’re friends with that person and if it’s worth investing anymore time into them. One friend in particular was cut loose after I sat down one day and gave it some thought. We’d been friends since middle school, but over the years, she’d really shown her true colors. She proved herself disloyal, when she slept with our mutual friend’s crush, while house sitting for her. In that girl’s house. On her pool table. She experimented with hardcore drugs while we were in college – I didn’t touch drugs or even hang out with anyone else, who even KNEW someone that did. She slept with ANOTHER guy, while her good friend and him were “taking a break”.  who does that?
    I think the final straw for me was her behavior at her bachelorette party, wherein she thought it was appropriate to try and bark orders to her friends (she gave people a bedtime {NO, I’m not even making that up} so they’d be ready to go early the next morning). She also complained/talked about her future sister in-law behind her back to all of us, while the sweet girl went out to get several of us coffee.
    It took me about 10 years to stop forgiving her for all of the stunts she’d pulled over the years, and just call a spade a spade – She’s just an awful person. A selfish person. She WILL NOT change, and I’m not willing to waste any more of my time investing in our friendship.
    Have a blessed day and Happy SITS Day!

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    Replies
    1. So glad you paid me a visit and Thanks for your comments!

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  4. I think that with friends, time will tell. It's hard to know someone completely in just a few minutes...relationships take time.

    Hopefully everyone has healthy relationships with the people they love the most. It's true that people can become needy - we've all been there. Having good personal boundaries and knowing when to stop is the key. :-)

    Thanks for a great post and happy SITS Day!

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  5. I don't have girlfriends from High School but I do have girlfriends from work. When I graduated I went overseas for years and most people drifted away.It was long before the internet and phone calls were $14 a minute. Love the look of your webpage. Enjoy your SITS Day.

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  6. Happy SITS Day! I'm very lucky to have a small circle of dear true friends. I appreciate how rare that is. I've also encountered the friend dealing with infidelity thing...not pretty. I'm not sure there is a "good" way to handle it.

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  7. Visiting from #Sits!
    Happy SITS Day,friend.

    I do have a friend that fits this description oh so well!
    She means the world to me and no matter how far or near she is,it's like we never left each other.

    Keep it Touched,
    KG
    www.kgstyleinc.com

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  8. I have a friend who has totally been there for me in every way even if we were far apart physically. A wonderful pos...

    Happy SITS Day!

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  9. Happy SITS Day and congrats on being a Featured blogger!

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  10. Visiting from SITS...nice post! I always think that true friends will lift you up, not put you down. I lost friends as I went through a divorce; they thought they needed to choose sides which felt hurtful at the time, but in hindsight I really learned who my friends were. I also think that as you grow--spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically--you tend to lose friends as well. It's like a pyramid--the more you grow, the higher the quality of friends and the less you're willing to tolerate in your relationships. As your self-esteem and self-worth rise, so do the quality of your friends.

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  11. I decided to walk away from a friend that was a constant drain on my emotions. It is a hard decision to make but when someone is constantly negative and pulls you in or feels their complaints take precedence over your family's needs, it's time to step away.

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  12. I consider myself quite blessed to have true, solid, there-till-the-end girlfriends. Two good friends is all I have and all I need. Happy SITS Day.

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  13. That's a pretty crummy lesson to learn. It definitely make me grateful for my best friends - they're the through thick and thin kind that I can count on for anything.

    I love the flowers around the edge of your blog, too! They're so pretty. Happy SITS day!

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Thanks for Sharing your thoughts. . . I look forward to them!