1/19/13

Are you meant to be Single?

One main thing that keeps women from hooking up -- or from being happy when they are in a relationship -- is what Dr. Michael Broder, a psychologist/relationship guru dubs the "soulmate syndrome."  "This is the notion that there's the 'soulmate' out there," he says. If you really believe there's one somebody who can Be and Do all for You - you're not being realistic about relationships. "In the 'soulmate syndrome,' there's an unspoken assumption that all the issues will be effortless -- there won't be a need to discuss things and work them through. He'll know just what kind of gift to get you, he'll know exactly what you need sexually, etc..etc. " At some point, he says, "meant to be single" is about expectations, specifications, and mathematics. "It's a truism that if your specs are too high, your emotional obstacle course too mined, your unwillingness to do what you have to do to meet lots of people too strong, you're leaving it to chance. The best relationships start when you have attainable expectations, meet as many people as possible and make your choices based on what you can live with or without.  If you are lonely and want more than just a date night, then you need to be out and about making yourself loveable.  But, if you are enjoying the single life and feel good about yourself, there's no need to be on the hunt.  It might just be that you're meant to be single.  If later on in life you end up meeting someone, it's healthy to have had a lot of alone time in which you've developed some independence.

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