Indeed, for all of the "I'd throw him out and never let him back in the door" rants that goes on at various girls' nights out, the truth is that 70 percent of couples who seek counseling after an affair come out of it intact. "When you put time and energy into a marriage, when you have a history and there are children involved, people definitely think long and hard before they walk away," says Lisa Thomas, a marriage counselor in Denver. Statistics suggest, that some couples who stay together after an affair report that their marriage is more open, more honest, and stronger as a result of committing to ongoing, honest communication. I have no examples of this in my circle of friends. Makes me wonder where all these statistics come from.
A Few Truths about Infidelity
• A happy marriage is not a guarantee against infidelity.
• The person having the affair may not be giving enough at home rather than not getting enough.
• It is normal to be attracted to another, but fantasizing about what it would be like to be with that person is a danger sign.
• Infidelity is not only about love or sex. It’s about knowing how to set boundaries in social interactions and being respectful of your committed relationship.
• You do not have to have sexual intercourse to be unfaithful. Passionate kissing or oral sex is a violation of your commitment to your partner. We found this out in the Clinton Presidency.
• Emotional affairs are characterized by secrecy, emotional intimacy and sexual chemistry. They can be more threatening than brief sexual flings.
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